Getting engaged has a weird effect on men. It's like a wake-up call for other guys in your circle. Ever since I popped the question I've found myself in various introspective conversations with guys I didn't even know were introspective. Questions like, "How did you know she was the one?" and "Were you scared?" come up often now. There are also statements like, "I didn't think you'd ever do it" or "Damn, I'm the last one left."
For some people having someone they know get engaged or married puts their own relationship status into perspective. They have an epiphany like, I'm not a kid anymore and adult things are happening around me, WTF am I doing? While women generally think about marriage right out of the womb since they were little girls playing house, having a homie turn in his player card is when most men start thinking about marriage seriously. The woman they're with starts to get analyzed a bit harder and even if she (or the fifth one after her) turns out to be the mythical "one" for him that still doesn't mean he'll ask her to marry him. Why, you ask? Because of one simple thing: the ring.
Whether it's a guy that's just starting to think about marriage or one that's been ready, the common hold up I see is the price tag for the fairy tale diamond engagement ring. I remember a few years back bumping into my boy and somehow or other we started talking about his girl, who he'd been with forever and he was like, "She's the one, B, and I want to marry her I'm just saving up for this ring. I put her through too much to get her some Crackerjack box ring. I been saving up here and there the past year or so and I'm like a year away."
In case you missed that he was basically ready to marry this woman over a year-and-a-half ago but she’ll have to wait a whole ’nother year before she even knows how he feels because he can't afford the ring. SMH! That's not even adding on how long it'll take them to actually plan the wedding (at least a year on average) and how long it'll take him to pay for the ring. If this is the normal course of proposals in the 21st century then the average woman has at least three years of waiting from when a man realizes she's the one to actually becoming his one legally. Most women aren't that patient.
Thankfully, I didn't have to go through all that BS. While my fiancée was unaware of my intentions of proposing, we had conversations in the past where she revealed that she never wanted a diamond. She's an untraditional woman in every sense of the word and always imagined a red ruby ring adorning her finger. While that did lower the ostentatious price of the cliché diamond sparkler I still had to take a respectable slice out of my savings to cop the most beautfullest ring in the world for my girl.
Message to the fellas: At the end of the day all that matters is that the woman loves this symbol of your love. The price doesn't matter, the components don't either; it's just a matter of the ring fitting her personal tastes. I designed my fiancée’s ring with that in mind and it shows in the final product. But the thing most guys don't realize is that if a woman truly loves you and wants to be with you forever she won't care if it's a blow pop ring, she'll say, “Yes.” Now, the standards and expectations of her girls and outside forces is a topic for a whole other blog.
Still, many men feel this pressure to go all out for the bling-bling when they don't have to. I'm not saying be cheap, because I could have easily saved a few thousand at any time but I spent within my means for what I knew would make my girl (and my pockets) happy. But thanks to the decades-old marketing campaign from De Beers being engraved into the American psyche everyone thinks only a diamond says I love you and "every kiss begins with Kay."
Sorry, that's not the case and I won't allow anyone to tell me different. If a woman refuses a man's proposal simply because of the stone in the ring, then chances are she really isn't that into the him and she's definitely not the one. I understand that every woman has a right to receive a ring that she actually loves since she’s the one that has to wear it for life, but falling into the trap of what the diamond industry says an engagement ring should look like is something different altogether.
While there are those women who probably have a specific dream ring in mind and would be disappointed in anything less, I believe that the average woman would not only accept a “lesser” ring but cherish it if she truly loved the man. Problem is most guys don’t understand that. We get caught up in the fantasy of the industry standard of “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” when I’d much rather more people just marry their best friend.
Does having someone in your circle get engaged make you think about your own dating status? How many women would date a man for several years without him proposing if she knew it was because he was saving up for a ring? Would most women prefer a “lesser” ring if it meant they could get married earlier? How many women would be disappointed if they didn’t get a diamond engagement ring? Does the size matter when it comes to the ring? Would you let other people’s perception of your engagement ring have an impact on how you felt about it? Do you think a man should go broke paying for an engagement ring? How many people want a diamond ring just because they feel that’s what they’re “supposed” to get?
Speak your piece…
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source:http://art2shere.blogspot.com/2012/08/13578664843897.html
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